When it was time to help our oldest move away from home it was exciting and tough all at once. But one thing that helped me through the transition was the fact that I still had a child at home.
My youngest gave me permission to do all the things I enjoy about parenting. The four-year buffer between the two children gave me plenty of time to go to high school volleyball games, help with school projects, bake brownies for fundraising events, advise on clothes and boys, and smooth over bad days. Things changed, but for the most part, my role was still the same.
This time, that won't be the case. There is no buffer. The home we return to after our youngest leaves for school will be without a child -- just an empty nest of memories, cats, and the thing I"m most afraid of -- quiet. And my role as a parent and my husband's role will change. We will go from active parenting to parenting from afar. From micro to macro. We'll still be mom and dad to our two offspring, but more as advisors. At least, that's what I expect it will be like if all goes well.
And that's something to celebrate because it means that we did our jobs as mom and dad, and now it's time for a well-deserved rest. But I know myself, and I know that there will be some ups and downs in this new empty nest of ours. I'll do my best to stay busy, but I know I need to get ahead of some of the emotions I'll feel now. I'll be anxious about my children living away from me, I'll worry about them, and I'll also feel some guilt. Guilt that I didn't save enough for college, guilt that I didn't get to do all the things I'd hoped we do as a family, guilt that I might have been too stern or too passive as a parent.
I have to get ahead of those negative feelings now before they settle in and get too comfortable. Beating myself up isn't going to help anyone, and it's not fair. We did the best we could, and that has to be enough. I know it is for my kids, and it has to be for me as well.
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