Sunday, January 27, 2019

Streamlining the College Scholarship Process


If you think the college application process is time consuming, just wait. Searching for and applying for college scholarships is the real time consumer for many high school seniors and their parents.

If your child is hoping to snag a few scholarships before moving into his or her dorm, you'll need to prepare yourselves. Below are a few tips on streamlining the scholarship process for you and your soon-to-be college student.

How to Help Your Teen Through the Scholarship Process

  • Set a Schedule - The scholarship search may be more time consuming than the college application process. You can't get through it all in a single day, or even a single weekend. The best way to plunge through is to break it down into digestible bites. You and your teen should agree to sit down regularly to work on scholarship opportunities. You may agree to mark off every Sunday afternoon, or every Monday evening for the chore. Develop a schedule and make sure you both stick to it.
  • Start Early - You can begin your search for potential scholarships years before your child begins the application process. Begin the search when your child is a freshman or sophomore in high school, keeping a folder of grantors, their contact information (website, facebook page, etc.) and their list of requirements and deadlines. This will help you as the time to apply draws near. 
  • Ask for Recommendations Early - Most scholarships require one or two personal recommendations to include in the application package. Make sure your student asks for these letters at the end of his or her junior year of high school. That way you'll have the letters ready to go when the senior year begins. As a general rule it's a good idea to have a recommendation from a teacher or school counselor, as well as one from a community member such as a employer, a coach, or a member of a civic organization such as the scouts, ruritans, or a volunteer organization. 
  • Have Transcripts Ready to Go - Almost every scholarship application requires a school transcript, offical or unofficial. Make sure your child keeps a copy of his or her most recent transcript on file. Offical transcripts will have to come from your child's school counselor in a sealed envelope.
  • Spend Time on Essays - Most scholarships require an essay from the applicant. Essays can vary from 250 words to more than 1,000. It's important to spend time on these essays, and to address the writing prompt thoroughly. Be sure the essays are edited and copyedited for spelling and grammar.
  • Don't Leave Anything Out - Be sure your teenager completes every requirement for the scholarship application before submitting. Incomplete applications are usually not considered, so it's critical to spend time doublechecking every application before it's sent. 


Wednesday, January 23, 2019

The Scholarship Search



When my oldest went through the college application process I really thought we were done when she submitted her last application. I was so wrong. Applying to college is nothing compared to what comes next -- the scholarship search. 

My youngest sent her final college application in November, well ahead of most deadlines. Thank goodness she did because we're both bogged down these days looking for opportunities to fund her future education.

We now spend our weekends searching for and applying for scholarships. The applications for many of them are as detailed and demanding as any college application, some of them even more so. Even scholarships offering a mere $250 routinely demand one or two personal essays, transcripts, ACT or SAT scores, personal references, and detailed college and after college life goals. 

I am truly grateful for every scholarship opportunity out there, but frankly the strain it puts on the family, and the time it takes away from other opportunities (like a part-time job) makes me wonder if they are worth our time.

They are, I'm afraid. The skyrocketing cost of college means students have to do whatever they can to minimize their debt load. As a parent, I'll do whatever I can to help.

So, if you're wondering how I spend the little free time I might have left after working, commuting, and sleeping, I can tell you. There's a good chance I'm researching scholarships. And nagging my kid to get back to it -- we only have eight months before that first tuition check is due. 

More on College


Sunday, January 20, 2019

What Winter Brings



Winter gives me a legitimate excuse to do the things I enjoy most -- reading, binge-watching Netflix, and relaxing on cold, wintry weekends with hot tea and sweet baked goods. I need these months to regroup and prepare myself for the busier spring and summer months ahead.

This year, in particular, is likely to bring a whirlwind of activities: two graduations; college orientation; moving both children (one from home to college, the other from college to home); and who knows what else? And then there's the emotional toll all of these activities will take on me.

I've never been really great at managing change. A person of habit, change throws me off for a bit. If my children are going through a difficult time, that also wears me down emotionally, as I assume it does most parents. And they will go through tough times. Navigating from college to the real world is an adjustment, and heading off to college for the first time can also offer up challenges and feelings. I know my kids will have their ups and downs, as will I.

I will celebrate the wonderful changes that are coming our way, but I've lived long enough to know that there is no escaping the blowback from change, and those unexpected life events that pop up out of nowhere to let us know how fragile and vulnerable we all are. I guess I've been preparing myself lately for those as well.

That's why I have given myself full permission to take advantage of every potential moment to relax and engage in a little selfish indulging this winter. Every moment I can use to recharge is well worth the time it's given. I need these moments, and that means my family needs them, too.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Are the Young Adult Years the Hardest Phase of Parenting?

I find the young adult phase of parenting to be simultaneously the easiest and the hardest as a mom. Easy because there is no more childcare involved. My kids are independent -- feeding and driving themselves, managing their own time, and for the most part making their own decisions, both large and small. 





But this phase also presents a number of challenges to a parent. It's hard to refrain from holding back when you think your child might be making a bad decision. (It's also hard sometimes to know whether or not they actually are making a bad decision.) And choices at this age come with consequences, sometimes really harsh consequences. Something as minor as changing a college major can result in thousands more in student loans, for example. Don't get me started on the blowback of toxic friendships, unrequited love, or even true love. 

Girls, I suspect, may have the most to lose if they don't stay focused and determined at this age. How many friends can you name that gave up on careers or dreams of travel because of a relationship, or even the inability to make a decision? I'm not judging, just thinking, and hoping my kids hold off on certain decisions until they've knocked a couple of things off their own bucket lists. 

I certainly don't want my children to rush into any big life decisions, but I do sometimes think that it's a race against the clock. Get an education and start your career before something, or someone distracts you, I think to myself, and sometimes out loud. 

Yes, this might be the hardest phase of parenting, It's a nailbiter, for sure.

More on The Empty Nest Years

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

The Last One - The Buffer is Gone



When it was time to help our oldest move away from home it was exciting and tough all at once. But one thing that helped me through the transition was the fact that I still had a child at home.

My youngest gave me permission to do all the things I enjoy about parenting. The four-year buffer between the two children gave me plenty of time to go to high school volleyball games, help with school projects, bake brownies for fundraising events, advise on clothes and boys, and smooth over bad days. Things changed, but for the most part, my role was still the same.

This time, that won't be the case. There is no buffer. The home we return to after our youngest leaves for school will be without a child -- just an empty nest of memories, cats, and the thing I"m most afraid of -- quiet. And my role as a parent and my husband's role will change. We will go from active parenting to parenting from afar. From micro to macro. We'll still be mom and dad to our two offspring, but more as advisors. At least, that's what I expect it will be like if all goes well.

And that's something to celebrate because it means that we did our jobs as mom and dad, and now it's time for a well-deserved rest. But I know myself, and I know that there will be some ups and downs in this new empty nest of ours. I'll do my best to stay busy, but I know I need to get ahead of some of the emotions I'll feel now. I'll be anxious about my children living away from me, I'll worry about them, and I'll also feel some guilt. Guilt that I didn't save enough for college, guilt that I didn't get to do all the things I'd hoped we do as a family, guilt that I might have been too stern or too passive as a parent.

I have to get ahead of those negative feelings now before they settle in and get too comfortable.  Beating myself up isn't going to help anyone, and it's not fair. We did the best we could, and that has to be enough. I know it is for my kids, and it has to be for me as well.

More on The Empty Nest Years


Monday, January 14, 2019

The Van of My Dreams

If I had to choose one possession that would serve as an icon of my two decades of parenting children it would be my Honda Odyssey minivan. We bought the vehicle when my youngest daughter had just turned one, still in diapers and barely walking. 

I remember chasing her and her older sister in the showroom while my husband worked out the details of the purchase in the sales manager's office. We never expected then that nearly 18 years later, the van would still be our "go to" vehicle and likely responsible for hauling our youngest and her belonging to her freshman dorm come this fall. 

I am emotionally attached to this vehicle. My family, not so much. But I still love this old van and am grateful to have had it so long. I can't even remember all the family vacations we took in the van, or the number of times I carted kids to and from school, campouts, practice, summer camp, and piano lessons. 

The family budget is really tight these days, due to college and a job loss, and hopefully, our van will hang in there for another 100,000 miles. But even if it doesn't it has earned an important spot in our family lore. And my memories, in particular. 




More on Making the Most of the Empty Nest Years

Sunday, January 13, 2019

The Looming Empty Nest -- Embracing it Despite Myself




I started this blog because my life is about to change, and there's nothing I can do about it. When my youngest heads off to college this fall everything will be different. The days of carpooling, helping with homework, staying up waiting for her to come home from dates, and hearing her and her friends giggle late at night will be over. I enjoyed it all so much, but I gotta move on.

So, I'm slowly developing a plan --a blueprint that will prepare me for the empty nest I'll be living in.

Here's what I have so far:
  • I am going to enjoy a little peace and quiet for a little while. My husband and I spent 22 years parenting our daughters, and we did a pretty good job, if I may say so. I think it's only fair that we allow ourselves a little time to bask in the glory of a job well done. 
  • I am making lists of things I've wanted to do these past two decades but never got around to because I was busy raising children and working. I have lists for books I want to read, classes I want to take, and movies I want to watch. Major traveling is out while our kids are in college, but there are some close-to-home destinations I'd like to visit. 
  • I want to pet more dogs. We have a house of cats and bringing a dog into the mix just wouldn't work right now, but I do love them and I want to make time for them. My youngest used to volunteer at our local animal shelter and she truly enjoyed it. I think I can find the time to work some volunteer hours into my own schedule.
  • My home is in fairly good shape for all the living that goes on here, but there are closets and drawers that clearly need attention. I've been watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo on Netflix, and I'm learning a lot about how to declutter your home, to make the most of what's important. 
  • Civic engagement has always been important to me and I would like to boost my participation in a number of organizations and causes. The hard part will be figuring out which ones get my time and attention.
  • It's time for me to throw some attention to my husband, who has been waiting patiently on the sidelines for more than 20 years. It will be fun (and a little weird) when it's just the two of us again!
  • I will no longer have an excuse to skip the gym or neglect my health. I can't say that I'll become a gym rat, but if I can work two or three workouts into my schedule every week, I'll be happy. 

More on Setting Goals for the Empty Nest Years



Saturday, January 12, 2019

A Surprise from Home -- Packing the College Care Package




When my oldest first started college I sent a care package to her through her university. It was a simple click, buy, and deliver to her dorm. But it was just a bag full of candy, and she's fairly health conscious, so I decided in the future I would make and send my own.

I've enjoyed assembling care packages for her these last four years, although not as frequently now as a few years ago. Still, even in her senior year, I can put together a decent little goodie box and cheer her up when she's had a bad week or is stressed about exams, or boyfriend challenges.

I've included some strange (and not so strange) items in her packages, depending on the situation. Some of the items I've sent to her over the years include (in no particular order):

  • Girly stuff like soaps, mini hand lotions, lip gloss, and sachets for her drawers

  • Food items like microwave popcorn bags, peanuts, fresh fruit, dairy-free chocolate, tea, homemade hot cocoa mix, mini homemade banana bread, and spices (she loves to cook)

  • Mini manicure sets, a new toothbrush, gloves, fuzzy socks, gift cards for pizza, Chipotle, or Starbucks

  • Coffee, air freshener for the community bathroom, protein bars, new pens, pencils and highlighters

  • Cash (of course), laundry nuggets, mini-stress balls, puzzles, a favorite book to read when she needs to regroup from a test or exam, small stuffed animal

  • And finally, a personal handwritten note for encouragement. 


My daughter enjoys these little packages and she almost always calls or texts me right after opening them. To be honest, I like to send care packages because I get a kick out of putting them together, as much as she enjoys receiving them. It makes me feel connected when she's so far away.

More on College Care Packages

There are numerous online companies that will send a care package to your child with just a click (and a credit card) including carepackages.com and Campus Cube, but it's easy enough to pull one together with a trip to the dollar store and the market. It's also more fun for you.

If you want to go high end, Harry & David's or The Popcorn Factory offer fun gift sets at a variety of price points.


Thursday, January 10, 2019

Just Call Me "The Lunch Lady"

For seven years I prepared my youngest daughter's school lunch everyday. When she hit middle school she happily took over the daily responsibility, and I happily agreed. She never much cared for my food and snack choices, and I was willing to delegate any chore that I could. But we have a new routine this year, her senior year of high school, and I have to admit I'm enjoying it.

Two or three times a week she asks me to make her lunch. I rarely refuse. While she gets ready for school, running around the house like a blur, I throw together a sandwich, some veggies and dip, and something for dessert. There will only be so many opportunities for me to do this for her so I'm making the most of them.

Still her mom, but also the lunch lady. I'm perfectly fine with that.


More About Teen Lunches





Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Purging the Empty Nest

I just stumbled on the new hot show on Netflix, Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Marie is an expert on organizing and the author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. In the show, Marie (who is Japanese and uses an interpreter) visits American homes and helps the occupants purge and prioritize their spaces. She is truly remarkable, and is really more of a therapist than an organizer.

Her respect for the people she works with, and for their homes, seems sincere and her positive enthusiasm no doubt is what truly motivates her clients.

I'd love to pick her brain for an hour or two and ask her about purging two decades of my children's art work, report cards, Mother's Day cards, and other sentimental items. Kondo says you should keep items that "spark joy" and let go of all the rest. But that's easier said than done.

What kind of mother throws out pictures of her kids? Even bad pictures. Is there a special place in hell for those moms? Playing with fate, that's what it would feel like to me. Same for report cards, love notes, and sweet little drawings.

Purging my soon-to-be empty nest is on the horizon, but for now I think I'll watch Kondo and try to glean a few good ideas from her show. I suspect I won't be able to completely embrace her approach. At least, not now. I'm not ready.



Tuesday, January 8, 2019

She's Never Home

It's occurred to me that my soon-to-be empty nest won't be much different from the one I'm living in now. My high school senior is hardly ever home these days. Between school, her friends, her boyfriend, extracurricular activities, and trips to the mall, my husband and I only catch glimpses of her as she runs in and out of the house.

Maybe college will allow us some quality time with her again? Maybe it will be a little easier to pin her down for a meal or (dare I suggest) an outing to the movies? I certainly hope so. I miss her already, and she's not even gone yet!



Monday, January 7, 2019

Celebrating College Acceptance Letters

My youngest worked diligently to get her college applications in early and her hard work has been rewarded. Before the holidays she heard from two schools, and another one just landed in our mailbox. All three acceptance letters!

It's been a joy to see her so excited, and I have to admit, I feel pretty good myself. All those years helping with homework, projects, field trips, and everything that went along with 12 years of public school have paid off.

But this isn't about me. It's about her. These colleges want her to be a part of their incoming class -- not me. We're equally excited. She hasn't made any decisions yet, and we have time before she has to commit. For now, we're just going to enjoy the glow that comes with the payoff of a job well done.




Sunday, January 6, 2019

The Last Semester

My daughter's holiday break is over and today she heads back for her final semester of college. Banana bread is in the oven to go back with her, and I know she'll leave behind a few items that I'll end up shipping to her next week.

It's a routine I'm familiar with and like all routines it will change very soon. Now that I've gotten used to the college routine it's time for it to end. This summer we'll adjust to a new routine when she moves on to her next life milestone -- work, travel, who knows?

I'm a fairly flexible person, I can adjust.

It's very exciting to think about.



Saturday, January 5, 2019

It Scares Me

Eleanore Roosevelt once said, "Do one thing every day that scares you."

And so I am. I am starting my blog on preparing for and facing the empty nest years.

I truly am scared. I know many parents welcome these years with open arms -- their jobs as parents (for the most part) is behind them, and so they celebrate. Me, not so much.

Parenting my daughters and seeing them through every phase of development has been a true joy, and there's nothing I love more than a house full of noisy, messy teenagers. That will all end very soon when my youngest daughter goes off to college this fall.

Stay with me and share your thoughts, stories and affirmations on these years. It's going to be a mixed bag, I know.

The New Normal

Just like that, she's gone. The last few months flew by. One minute we were in the middle of scholarship applications and picking o...