Leaning In During the Empty Nest Years

I've been a working mom for more than 20 years, and while there were some challenging moments and hectic years I have to admit I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed raising my children, and I enjoyed my career. I had both, and feel fortunate and proud to have pulled it off.

Looking back I don't know how we did it -- I don't know how any working parents do it all. But everything that needed to happen happened. Every deadline was met. Every parent/teacher conference was attended by someone. Every homework assignment completed. And dinner hit the table every night, even if it was just fish sticks and frozen mac and cheese. 

My working life is a tad easier these days. I'm no longer racing home to meet a bus, or take someone to piano lessons. I can stay late, I can work weekends, and I can dream big. 

I didn't put my career on hold while my children were growing up, but I did pace myself because I felt I needed to. My husband's career was demanding and quite frankly, I felt I needed to concentrate on our kids. So I turned down juicy job offers and concentrated on keeping positions that worked for my family. I don't have to do that anymore, and I've been thinking about what my next career steps might be. 

This blog is one of those steps. I've been wanting to build a blog of my own, and take the time to do it right. It's all very exciting and fun, and I'm getting a real kick out of it. I'm also thinking about other career goals I might want to tackle. I'm up for anything and would love to make the most of my next decade of the working life. I'll be sure to keep you posted on anything big, but for now, the fact that I go after whatever I want is really exciting. 

I'm ready. 

My kids are grown. 

I'm leaning in.

More on the Empty Nest Years

• Embracing Myself Despite Myself
• Returning to Work After Kids

Time for a Hobby (or two)

Before I had children I enjoyed a long list of hobbies and interests: travel; baking; reading; photography; gardening; watching old movies, etc. I was rarely bored. But after my oldest was born those interests faded away one by one. 

I did this by choice. I found new interests and hobbies -- activities that revolved around my kids. I truly enjoyed all of them: scouting; sports; music and theatre. If my kids were interested in something, so was I. Of course, the downside is now that I have an "almost" empty nest I'm faced with figuring out what my interests are now. How will I spend my free time when there are no practices, games, concerts, or campouts? 

I don't think much has changed since 1997. I'm still wanting to travel, bake (occasionally), read (a lot), and garden (a little). I also want to learn about other things, new things, even things I know I have little or no talent for. I've been experimenting with watercolors, and I'm enjoying the process, even if my creations are nothing spectacular. I've also tried my hand at bookbinding and I'm thinking about taking a few classes in subjects I know nothing about. This is really an exciting time for me, and I'm not going to rush into any commitment. I'll dabble here and there, and see where it takes me.

About a year ago I joined Skillshare, an online educational community. It's proven to be money well spent. I've watched close to thirty educational videos on a variety of subjects, and I have a growing list of videos that I want to watch. It's been a great way to get me started, and also to encourage me to keep going.

What about you? How did you find new interests or hobbies after your children left home? Or, are you struggling to find a new passion after years of self-neglect and sacrifice?

The High Cost of Senior Year

Having a high school senior is expensive, to say the least. I found this out four years ago and again this year. It's a shame you can't use 529 accounts to help you through the list of events, traditions, and senior responsibilities that over time add up to a considerable sum. And I'm not even referring to the college application cost, which is also very pricey.

I've truly been shocked at the amount of money families are expected to shell out during the senior year.  With so many families struggling economically it seems silly and frankly, a little mean spirited to keep placing demands on their budgets, but that's the way it is.

Whether you, your child, or both of you cover these costs, or avoid them alltogether is a family decision you'll have to make. We chose to cover some of them, and let our daughter make up the rest. A few of these "traditions" we passed on entirely. Of course, there are ways to get around some of these expenses and cut costs.

If your child is approaching the final year of high school, here are a few things you may need to save for ahead of time.

Senior Dues: Senior dues will vary from school to school but expect to pay between $35 and $70, or more. They typically cover costs such as a senior breakfast, graduation tickets, and other graduation events. Prepare to stroke a check at the beginning of the school year for senior dues. Many schools will waive the cost of senior dues for families going through economic struggles so speak up if you need to.

Yearbook: Even if your child passed on yearbooks for the first three years you'll probably want your student to have one for the final year. If you order early you can shave a few dollars off the cost, which is around $70. Additional fees apply if you want the yearbook inscribed with your child's name, or if you decide it needs a special protective covering (it doesn't).

Class Ring: Both my children opted out of class rings simply because they didn't like any of the designs. I would have gladly paid but didn't argue as the savings were considerable. Class rings cost between $100 to $400, depending on the vendor. (Hint: many people don't know that you can order class rings through Wal Mart and online at various vendors, so shop around to find a ring design that you like at a price you can afford.)

Prom: Prom can be a serious expense, for any couple. I got lucky when my daughter found her dress online for only $80, but the cost of a dress or tux rental, shoes, flowers, dinner, and tickets can exeed into the thousands. It's a good idea to sit down with your child ahead of prom season to discuss a budget and expectations.

The Senior Trip: Many schools plan annual senior trips for the soon-to-be graduates. They may go to the city overnight, to the beach, an amusement park, or something else entirely. You're lucky if your child's senior trip is just a trip to the lake or an amusement park. Weekend trips to New York City or expensive spa retreats may cost more than a semester of college tuition. Again, discussions will help you and your child decide if these extravagances are really doable. Skip them if they're not and put the money towards a family vacation, college, a car, or something else entirely.

Senior Portraits: The school will likely cover the cost of the senior picture (the traditional cap and gown photo, or drape/suit photo) for the yearbook. But senior portraits will be on you. Professional photographers can produce amazing photos of your child in a setting of your choice, but expect sessions to begin at $300. Photos, photo books, and graduation announcements will cost even more. Prepare to spend $700 minimum, for the session and any photos you might order.

Or, get creative and ask a family friend whose good with a camera to take the photos and print them yourself on Snapfish or elsewhere. We asked one of my daughter's friends to take her senior photos, and we were so pleased with the results. Her $50 fee was budget friendly, and her photos fantastic!

More on Senior Expenses

• Thrifty Ways to Save on Graduation Expenses
• Streamlining the College Scholarship Process

Streamlining the College Scholarship Process

If you think the college application process is time consuming, just wait. Searching for and applying for college scholarships is the real time consumer for many high school seniors and their parents.

If your child is hoping to snag a few scholarships before moving into his or her dorm, you'll need to prepare yourselves. Below are a few tips on streamlining the scholarship process for you and your soon-to-be college student.

How to Help Your Teen Through the Scholarship Process

• Set a Schedule - The scholarship search may be more time consuming than the college application process. You can't get through it all in a single day, or even a single weekend. The best way to plunge through is to break it down into digestible bites. You and your teen should agree to sit down regularly to work on scholarship opportunities. You may agree to mark off every Sunday afternoon, or every Monday evening for the chore. Develop a schedule and make sure you both stick to it.

• Start Early - You can begin your search for potential scholarships years before your child begins the application process. Begin the search when your child is a freshman or sophomore in high school, keeping a folder of grantors, their contact information (website, facebook page, etc.) and their list of requirements and deadlines. This will help you as the time to apply draws near. 

• Ask for Recommendations Early - Most scholarships require one or two personal recommendations to include in the application package. Make sure your student asks for these letters at the end of his or her junior year of high school. That way you'll have the letters ready to go when the senior year begins. As a general rule it's a good idea to have a recommendation from a teacher or school counselor, as well as one from a community member such as a employer, a coach, or a member of a civic organization such as the scouts, ruritans, or a volunteer organization. 

• Have Transcripts Ready to Go - Almost every scholarship application requires a school transcript, offical or unofficial. Make sure your child keeps a copy of his or her most recent transcript on file. Offical transcripts will have to come from your child's school counselor in a sealed envelope.

• Spend Time on Essays - Most scholarships require an essay from the applicant. Essays can vary from 250 words to more than 1,000. It's important to spend time on these essays, and to address the writing prompt thoroughly. Be sure the essays are edited and copyedited for spelling and grammar.

• Don't Leave Anything Out - Be sure your teenager completes every requirement for the scholarship application before submitting. Incomplete applications are usually not considered, so it's critical to spend time doublechecking every application before it's sent. 

The Scholarship Search

When my oldest went through the college application process I really thought we were done when she submitted her last application. I was so wrong. Applying to college is nothing compared to what comes next -- the scholarship search. 

My youngest sent her final college application in November, well ahead of most deadlines. Thank goodness she did because we're both bogged down these days looking for opportunities to fund her future education.

We now spend our weekends searching for and applying for scholarships. The applications for many of them are as detailed and demanding as any college application, some of them even more so. Even scholarships offering a mere $250 routinely demand one or two personal essays, transcripts, ACT or SAT scores, personal references, and detailed college and after college life goals. 

I am truly grateful for every scholarship opportunity out there, but frankly the strain it puts on the family, and the time it takes away from other opportunities (like a part-time job) makes me wonder if they are worth our time.

They are, I'm afraid. The skyrocketing cost of college means students have to do whatever they can to minimize their debt load. As a parent, I'll do whatever I can to help.

So, if you're wondering how I spend the little free time I might have left after working, commuting, and sleeping, I can tell you. There's a good chance I'm researching scholarships. And nagging my kid to get back to it -- we only have eight months before that first tuition check is due. 

More on College

• Celebrating College Acceptance Letters

What Winter Brings

Winter gives me a legitimate excuse to do the things I enjoy most -- reading, binge-watching Netflix, and relaxing on cold, wintry weekends with hot tea and sweet baked goods. I need these months to regroup and prepare myself for the busier spring and summer months ahead.

This year, in particular, is likely to bring a whirlwind of activities: two graduations; college orientation; moving both children (one from home to college, the other from college to home); and who knows what else? And then there's the emotional toll all of these activities will take on me.

I've never been really great at managing change. A person of habit, change throws me off for a bit. If my children are going through a difficult time, that also wears me down emotionally, as I assume it does most parents. And they will go through tough times. Navigating from college to the real world is an adjustment, and heading off to college for the first time can also offer up challenges and feelings. I know my kids will have their ups and downs, as will I.

I will celebrate the wonderful changes that are coming our way, but I've lived long enough to know that there is no escaping the blowback from change, and those unexpected life events that pop up out of nowhere to let us know how fragile and vulnerable we all are. I guess I've been preparing myself lately for those as well.

That's why I have given myself full permission to take advantage of every potential moment to relax and engage in a little selfish indulging this winter. Every moment I can use to recharge is well worth the time it's given. I need these moments, and that means my family needs them, too.

Are the Young Adult Years the Hardest Phase of Parenting?

I find the young adult phase of parenting to be simultaneously the easiest and the hardest as a mom. Easy because there is no more childcare involved. My kids are independent -- feeding and driving themselves, managing their own time, and for the most part making their own decisions, both large and small. 

But this phase also presents a number of challenges to a parent. It's hard to refrain from holding back when you think your child might be making a bad decision. (It's also hard sometimes to know whether or not they actually are making a bad decision.) And choices at this age come with consequences, sometimes really harsh consequences. Something as minor as changing a college major can result in thousands more in student loans, for example. Don't get me started on the blowback of toxic friendships, unrequited love, or even true love. 

Girls, I suspect, may have the most to lose if they don't stay focused and determined at this age. How many friends can you name that gave up on careers or dreams of travel because of a relationship, or even the inability to make a decision? I'm not judging, just thinking, and hoping my kids hold off on certain decisions until they've knocked a couple of things off their own bucket lists. 

I certainly don't want my children to rush into any big life decisions, but I do sometimes think that it's a race against the clock. Get an education and start your career before something, or someone distracts you, I think to myself, and sometimes out loud. 

Yes, this might be the hardest phase of parenting, It's a nailbiter, for sure.

More on The Empty Nest Years

• Embracing the Looming Empty Nest
• Celebrating College Acceptance Letters