Getting Ready for the Boomerang

My empty nest won't last long, apparently. My oldest child is planning to move home (at least for a while) after she graduates from college this May. One child will leave, another will return. It's like I have a revolving front door.

I'm thrilled my oldest wants to come home, but I know there will be changes and my family will have to set down new rules for everyone. I have to get used to living with an adult child, and my daughter will have to get used to being that adult.

If you think your children would never attempt to boomerang, you might want to think again. The number of young adults living with their parents is the highest it's been in 75 years. According to a recent study by the Pew Research Center, 33 percent of 25 to 29 year-olds lived with their parents or grandparents in 2016 -- almost three times as many as in 1970.

Young adults often have no choice but to move home to help them get their footing. The rising cost of college and low starter job wages can take the blame.

My daughter has school loans to repay, and may even end up going back to school for a second degree so moving home only makes sense. While I will enjoy having her home for a while and it will be fun to have someone around to bing watch Parks and Recreation, I also know I have to set some ground rules for both of us.

Here's what I've decided so far:

• One of the main reasons my daughter is moving home is to tackle her student loans. She will have to make this a priority above all else, including spending money on trips, clothes, and decor.
• I will help but not hover. My child is an adult now and that means my role as a parent has changed. I can recommend, but not demand. I can suggest, but that's where my influence really ends. I can't make any major decisions for my child, but I can help her find a path to making the best decision she can. 
• Roommates have to have ground rules, and that means a frank discussion about chores and other household responsibilities. I won't be making dinner every night like I used to when the kids were growing up. I will need help with housekeeping, so we'll divide daily and weekly chores so that everyone makes a contribution. 
• Independence will be super important to her, after all, she's lived on her own for four years and moving home will be difficult for her. I will have to respect her right to privacy and alone time and make sure she has a space to call her own. 
• The ultimate goal is for my daughter to eventually move out and into her own space. I'll help her any way I can, but she'll have to take the lead on establishing a plan, saving for an apartment, and learning to live within a budget. 
• Expectations will have to be clear for both of us, but circumstances change and that means we will have to stay in communication about goals, expectations, budgets, chores, and other responsibilities. I expect many conversations taking place around the kitchen table.